Empowering Kids to Take Small Decisions

Allowing children to make simple choices gradually helps them to build their confidence, independence, self-esteem, and self-awareness. Whether it’s choosing what to wear, picking their favourite snack or deciding which story to read before bed, these small choices help them feel valued and capable. 

As social learning suggests that the environment plays an important role in shaping a child’s behaviour. Children learn and imitate the behaviour from their surroundings. When they are given the opportunity to make choices, it helps them develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

In the early years, parents often pamper their children and follow a permissive parenting style.  As a result, children become completely dependent on their parents. Later, when parents expect them to make their own decisions, it feels unnatural and difficult for the child. While parents naturally wish the best for their children, it’s essential to also consider how situations appear from the child’s point of view. 

For a child who has always been given everything without effort, suddenly being asked to do things independently can be confusing and challenging.

This is a common issue seen in many families today. Parents need to recognize this pattern and work on themselves first. When you begin to change, your child will naturally follow your lead.

“If you change, your child will change.”

Now the question arises, What can we do? How can we empower our child to make decisions?

1. Play Therapy: Play therapy is one of the most effective approaches that both parents and teachers can use. In this method, you provide toys and allow the child to decide how they want to play, what the rules will be and how the game should begin. For instance, I often hand over 5–10 balls to my students and ask them to decide the game, set their own rules and choose how it should begin. When children take charge of creating the rules — and you play along without interference — they experience a powerful sense of ownership, authority and budding leadership.

• Don’t Question Their Choices Unless It’s Harmful: Always encourage their choices. As the child grows, you will notice that they want to do everything independently. This is the stage where you should avoid saying “no” to every choice they make. In this phase, children openly share their ideas without fear or hesitation. But if we constantly restrict or criticize their choices, a day will come when they stop expressing their thoughts and ideas altogether. If a choice is unsafe or genuinely harmful, explain the logic behind your decision. Children are smart and can understand when reasoning is shared with respect. For example, one day in my classroom, a child eagerly insisted on distributing crayons to all her classmates by herself. I knew it might take longer and that a few crayons would probably fall on the floor and yes, they did! But I stepped back and allowed her to try. When she finished, the smile on her face was full of pride. Moments like these remind me that when we trust children with small responsibilities, they grow beautifully. 

• Think Before Saying “No”: “No” is a very powerful word in a child’s world, so use it wisely. Before refusing, think about whether it is truly necessary. Overusing “no” can limit their curiosity, confidence and decision-making abilities. 

• Give Small Tasks with Reinforcement: If you feel your child needs improvement in a specific area, assign small tasks related to that skill. For example, being a preschool educator if I want to teach “sharing”, then I give some simple tasks to my kids like: “Share three things with your friends today and tell me”, When they complete the task successfully, I reinforce the behaviour with praise or a small reward like stars and smileys. Positive reinforcement motivates children to repeat and learn the desired behaviour.

 “You are already a great parent — this is just a reminder that you can keep growing into the best parent your child needs.”

–Jyoti

Early Childhood Educator