Are We Buying Their Love? I’m Re-Thinking How I Show Up for My Kids

As a full-time working mom of two little humans—a chatty 6-year-old girl and a cars-obsessed 3-year-old boy—I constantly feel like I’m racing against time. Deadlines at work, kids’ school celebration preparations, laundry, cooking, birthday parties… it never ends.

In all of this chaos, I slipped into a habit I never imagined for myself—expressing love with things, when what I truly meant to give was my time.

It didn’t hit me until one quiet evening when my daughter said, “Mama, I love talking to Cutie (the name she gave to her beloved doll) more than you… because she plays with me more.” I smiled. I even laughed it off. But later, in the silence, her words echoed, and they hurt in a place only a parent’s heart understands.

The Guilt That Fuels the Shopping Cart

Like many moms, I carry guilt the way I carry wet wipes…everywhere, all the time.

Guilt for not being home enough.

Guilt for rushing through story time.

Guilt for saying “maybe later” far too often.

And to make up for it… I swipe.

I click.

I buy.

Because sometimes, love disguises itself as free shipping and next-day delivery.

A toy kitchen so my daughter can “play chef” while I work.

A new fire truck to keep my son busy while I make dinner.

A tablet with educational apps because, well, “at least they’re learning something.”

But deep down, I know the truth.

They’d trade all of it if I simply sat on the floor and played pretend with them, even if it was just for 15 minutes.

What My Kids Really Want from Me

If you sit and talk to children you will realize that they rarely remember the toy they got last week, but they always remember: the day they danced in the living room to silly songs,

the Saturday morning you made pancakes (and burned half of them),

and that simple walk in the park.

They don’t want more things.

They want you.

Why We Overcompensate (And How to Stop)

I think a lot of it comes from fear—fear that we’re not doing enough, fear that our kids will feel deprived compared to their peers. Social media doesn’t help. You see perfect lunchboxes and themed bedrooms and think, Am I failing?

But let’s remind ourselves:

Our kids don’t scroll Instagram.

They don’t compare brands; they compare emotions.

They don’t count gifts, they count hugs, kisses and attention.

We live in a world that praises busyness and productivity. Somewhere along the way, parenting became about performance—birthday parties that look like Pinterest boards, toys that teach coding at age 2, snacks shaped like zoo animals.

And in the race to “do it all,” we lose what really matters.

Here’s What I’m Learning (slowly, but surely):

Stuff doesn’t replace presence. My attention means more than anything I can order online.

Emotional presence is a gift. Kids feel safe and seen when we really listen.

Small moments matter. I don’t need hours—just intention.

Small Changes I’m Making As A Parent

I’m not throwing out all the toys and I still say yes to Paw Patrol or Gabby and the dollhouse more often than I should. But I’m trying to shift the balance. Here’s what’s helping:

“No phone” time from 7 to 8 pm: Just me and the kids, being present.

One-on-one mini dates: Even if it’s a walk to the grocery store.

One-on-One Talk Time: Even if it’s five minutes before bed, I ask them about their day.

Saying “No” to Stuff: I’ve started delaying instant toy purchases and saving for experiences instead, like a trip to the zoo.

Saying “Yes” to playing, even when I’m tired: Even five minutes of building blocks or colouring.

Closing Thoughts from a Tired (but Trying) Mom

I’m not writing this as someone who has it all figured out. I’m writing this as someone in the thick of it, learning to pause and reconnect. My kids won’t remember how expensive their toys were. But they will remember whether I looked them in the eye when they spoke, whether I laughed at their jokes, whether I chose them over my to-do list sometimes.

Let’s give our children fewer things and more of us.

They deserve it.

We do too.

Neetika Roy 

Center Head, 

Niño & Niña Preschool, Sector 116