Ah, the joys of parenthood!
It’s a wonderful experience filled with love, laughter, and the occasional moment of sheer frustration. One of the most common frustrations parents face is dealing with a stubborn child. And let’s be real, sometimes it’s not just the child who’s stubborn. As a preschool owner, I’ve heard parents time and time again say “my kid is so stubborn, just like me and my husband !” Well, hold on a minute there, mom and dad. Let’s talk about what it really means to be stubborn and how to handle it in a healthy way.
First things first, let’s define what it means to be stubborn. According to the dictionary, stubborn means “refusing to change one’s mind or course of action despite pressure to do so; unreasonably obstinate.” Now, when we put it that way, it doesn’t sound like a particularly desirable trait, does it? But when a parent says “my kid is stubborn,” they usually mean it in a more light-hearted way, as if it’s just a cute quirk that runs in the family. And sure, it can be endearing at times to see a little one dig in their heels and insist on wearing their superhero costume to the grocery store. But what happens when that stubbornness becomes a source of conflict?
This is where it’s important to recognize that being stubborn is not an inherent trait that is passed down genetically. It’s a learned behaviour that can be influenced by a child’s environment and experiences. So, when a parent says “my kid is stubborn, just like me,” what they might really be saying is “my kid has learned to be stubborn by watching me.” Ouch, right? It can be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s important to acknowledge our own role in shaping our children’s behaviour.
So, how can we break the cycle of stubbornness and teach our children to be more adaptable and open-minded? Here are a few tips:
Lead by example: If you want your child to be more flexible and willing to compromise, you have to model that behavior yourself. Instead of insisting on your own way all the time, try to be more open to other perspectives and willing to make concessions.
Give them choices: Sometimes stubbornness can stem from a feeling of powerlessness. By giving your child choices, you’re allowing them to feel like they have some control over their situation. Just make sure the choices you offer are ones you’re okay with them making!
Explain the reasoning behind rules: When kids understand why something is important, they’re more likely to follow the rules without putting up a fight. So, if your child is digging in their heels about cleaning their room, try explaining why it’s necessary (e.g. so they can find their toys more easily, or so the room doesn’t attract bugs).
Pick your battles: Not every disagreement is worth turning into a power struggle. Sometimes it’s okay to let your child have their way, as long as it’s not something that’s going to harm them or others.
Practice patience: Breaking a stubborn streak takes time and effort. Don’t expect your child to change overnight, and try to approach the process with a sense of humour and lightness. After all, stubbornness can be a pretty funny trait when you’re not the one butting heads with it!
In the end, the key to managing stubbornness in children is not to focus on changing the child’s behaviour, but on changing the parent’s behaviour. By modelling flexibility, compromise, and empathy, parents can help their children develop these important skills as well. And who knows? Maybe your child will surprise you by showing a newfound willingness to compromise and listen.
After all, they say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree – but with a little effort, it can learn to roll in a different direction.
-Divya Joshi
